Today is the 18th September 2010 . This song shall forever be in my life . Because it's a song so memorable even when i'm drunk, it appears in my head .

The city feels clean this time of night

Just empty streets

And me walking home

To clear my head

I know it came as no surprise

I'm affected more than I had guessed on what was said

If this love's not meant to be

If the heart's not ready to open

If we make it I won't see it's broken

If this love's not meant to be

If the heart's not ready to open

If we make it I won't see how it's broken

It's the quiet time before the dawn

And I'm half past making sense of it

Was I wrong?

Should I claim to give it all

In a world where not much ever seems to last long

If this love's not meant to be

If the heart's not ready to open

If we make it I won't see it's broken

If this love's not meant to be

If the heart's not ready to open

If we make it I won't see how it's broken

How it's broken

If this love's not meant to be

If the heart's not ready to open

If we make it I won't see it's broken

If this love's not meant to be

If the heart's not ready to open

If we make it I won't see it's broken

If this love's not meant to be

If the heart's not ready to open

If we make it I won't see how it's broken

How it's broken

How it's broken

How it's broken...

Today is the 6th September 2010 . My first exam is over now and i feel so shag, it's not like i've been studying all night all week . In fact, i slept 8 hours last night . But it's the last paper tomorrow anyway .

I finally knew what it was, what was causing most of the problems . So right now, it's up to you to accommodate . I don't wanna force, because forcing doesn't result in a win-win situation . But my ''mental'' issues is making me go so insane i said something i shouldn't have said .

My past has forced printed a tattoo on my impression of men, i may not, or will not ever trust men again . I'm still working on it . They're just other human who is physically stronger than women .

That's why i get so worked up . . . when other women touch you, be it hair wash or massage . Very in particular, women with make up and is pretty . You may say there's no need for all that because i'm pretty in your eyes, but hey, some words don't work on me . Jealousy it is .

I am jealous when other women touch you .

It builds up a very strong defense wall against you when it happens, maybe because i'm angry, i don't have any choice to bring it down other than either keeping it to myself or flaring it up to you . Nevertheless, keeping it to myself always make me grumpy and quiet .

I don't wanna share you .

I gave up some of my friends for you, i'm left with very few . So right now, my life is all about you . Everything is you . I'll never wanna leave you . I'll never wanna mess this up .

I want you forever to myself .

See you soon . 14 days more .

Today is the 1st Sept 2010 . Time flies so fast . I hate to admit that i'm actually 20 this year .

Pardon my emotions .

Coz i hit the wrong song on iTunes at this hour, it's 2.03 am now .

Certain songs, certain things, cars, numbers, places just keeps on and never ending reminds me of the months before i turned 18 years old .

How i wish i could just take a walk down the streets now .

I just want a memory loss, one that's good enough to make me forget the past and know that i'm good now with a loving husband and a caring family .

I am happy, and i wanna be happy; purely happy . But it's like reaching out for the stars .

Somebody tell me how .